If your child is having difficulty making friends at school, you may feel worried and unsure about how to help. Socialising is an important part of childhood development, and when a child struggles with it, it can be distressing for both parent and child.
There are many reasons this might happen, ranging from social skills that are still developing to more complex underlying conditions like autism. Understanding the potential causes can help you support your child through it.
What Does Making Friends Involve?
Forming friendships draws on a range of skills, including communication, empathy, and reading social cues, the non-verbal signals like facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language that help us understand what others are feeling or intending. For some children these skills develop easily. For others, they take longer, or need more explicit support.
Children develop socially at different rates. That in itself does not point to a problem, but it is worth understanding what might be behind persistent difficulty.
What Are the Common Causes?
Several things can make it harder for a child to form and keep friendships, and more than one can apply at once.
| Possible Cause | What It Can Look Like |
|---|---|
| Developing social skills | Difficulty sharing, taking turns, or initiating conversations, particularly in younger or more introverted children |
| Anxiety and low confidence | Avoiding social situations, worrying excessively about being judged, or struggling to know what to say |
| Misreading social cues | Not noticing when a peer is upset, or misjudging when it is their turn to speak |
| Autism | Difficulty understanding social norms and unwritten rules, alongside other traits described below |
| Bullying or social exclusion | Withdrawal from peers out of fear or sadness, often accompanied by falling confidence |
Could Autism Be a Factor?
Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a lifelong variation in how a person’s brain develops and processes information. It shapes how a child communicates, learns, and relates to others. According to St George’s University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust, children with autism often experience differences in social communication, such as understanding social cues or making friends, alongside sensory differences and a preference for routine.
If your child displays several of the following, it might be worth exploring the possibility of an autism assessment:
Autism is a spectrum, so children may show a wide range of abilities and challenges. According to Newcastle Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust, autistic children’s different style of social interaction is not a deficit to be corrected. It reflects a genuinely different way of communicating, which is why difficulties often arise from a mismatch between autistic and non-autistic communication styles rather than from the autistic child alone.
Could It Be Bullying?
Bullying or social exclusion is another common reason children struggle to make friends. Children who are bullied may withdraw from peers out of fear or sadness, and the resulting loss of confidence can make it harder to form new friendships even after the bullying stops. If you suspect this is happening, it is important to raise it with the school directly and keep the lines of communication open with your child at home.
How Can You Help Your Child Make Friends?
A few approaches tend to help, regardless of the underlying cause.
- 1
Encourage social opportunities outside school: playdates, extracurricular activities, or community groups can offer smaller, more structured settings that feel less overwhelming
- 2
Practise social skills through role-play: rehearsing scenarios like introducing themselves or asking to join a game can build confidence for real situations
- 3
Support their interests: shared activities, whether a sports team, a music group, or a hobby, create natural opportunities for connection
- 4
Seek professional support if concerns persist: a professional can assess whether a developmental condition such as autism or ADHD is contributing, and recommend strategies suited to your child
What Are Your Options?
If you are concerned that autism or another neurodevelopmental condition may be affecting your child’s social skills, KPI:Access is a healthcare connector service that links families with qualified specialists who carry out autism assessments for children in London and Croydon. No GP referral is needed, and appointments can often be arranged within days. Specialists work to the same standards set by NICE and the Royal College of Psychiatrists.
KPI:Access is part of KPI:Health, a wider healthcare group that has connected over 300,000 people with assessments and treatments across the UK, with 99.2% rating their experience as good or very good.
Frequently Asked Questions
If you’re concerned about your child’s social difficulties and are considering an autism assessment, our team is here to help. Book an appointment or learn more about autism assessments for children through KPI:Access.
